Looking for Love

       Tim will be happy to learn that some of his wisdom that inspired this post. We have some friends who are having a really hard time finding a good relationship. Tim essentially said that love isn't really something that we can go out seeking. In a way it has to come to us. If we are actively seeking love it is inevitable that we will become desperate and overlook red flags. True love flows freely between two people and it is not something that we can force out of someone. We can't make someone love us. The only caveat that I would like to add to Tim's wisdom is that we actually can seek love, from God. Gods love is always freely flowing towards us we just need to open ourselves and invite his love in. We don't have to make God love us he always loves us thank goodness.

      When I was younger I always had a feeling that the man for me would come in my life when I didn't expect it. So I tried to pretend I wasn't actively seeking out love even though in reality I wasted way too much time trying to get someone to love me. And Tim kind of did sneak into my life when I had my heart set on someone else. God has a really good way of working things out even if we are resistant to his plan at first. Eventually most of us reach a point where we realize that our way of searching for love just isn't working and we have to surrender our desires to him. An amazing thing happens when we do this. We realize love isn't as far from our grasp as we though it was. To quote a movie I used to love " Love actually is all around". How true is that. We spend so much time pursuing romantic love when really love is all around us. Some people didn't come from loving families but hopefully they have found a loving group of friends. If you don't have a lot of love in your life cling to Jesus and his mother Mary and they will show you a love that  you didn't think was even possible. We need to focus on our blessings and not what we don't have (this is something I certainly need to do more of).

    So where are you looking for love? If you are going out to parties and bars don't be surprised when the guy you meet there turns out to not be the greatest guy. If you want to save yourself a lot of heartache turn to God and allow him to feel your heart with love. I know this is a reoccurring theme but I don't think it can be said enough, trust in God's timing his timing is always perfect. When we mess with God's timing and think our plan is better we end up hurting ourselves. God knows the desires of our heart better than we do and he plans to fulfill them in amazing ways here on earth and then beyond our greatest dreams once we are in heaven with him!

How can you tell if someone truly loves you?

         Love is something that people can define in many different ways. For some people it is the warm fuzzy feelings that happen in the beginning of a relationship. For others love is synonymous with sex, we say "making love" which everyone understands as having sex. Which is on to something, but for love to exist it has to be self-sacrificial. I am pretty sure Cosmopolitan and Seventeen often have articles which are supposed to help women discern how their boyfriend actually feels about them. Instead of over-analyzing his texts and whether or not he wants to cuddle after sex, I think there are more important questions to ask. 

       A good place to start is by looking at your relationship. Is your relationship defined and is it exclusive? A lot of people have gray area when it comes to knowing whether or not they are in a relationship and it is really sad. It is a mans job to pursue a woman and it is his job to make his intentions clear. I would hope the man is interested in pursuing marriage with the woman and that is why he wants to date her but I know that is not always the case. If you are in a pseudo relationship with someone and you are scared to ask them if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend chances are you should not be dating that person. 

     Another question to consider is where is the relationship headed? If you cannot see yourself marrying the person it is best to stop wasting your time. If the person you are dating is not marriage material they will not change. Although this is counter-cultural, I believe that dating should be focused on the prospects of marriage with that person. I would also recommend that you choose someone who is focused on Jesus. In the past when I tried to date in my own terms it did not work out well for me. Before I was able to start dating Tim God had to teach me that every person on this earth would disappoint me and Jesus was the only man who would never disappoint me. I realized how silly it was for me to be investing so much of myself in pursuing guys when who I should have been pursuing was Jesus. My relationship with Jesus allows me to depend on him so that Tim isn't solely responsible for my happiness and helping me through my struggles. A relationship without Jesus can be very difficult as the focus is 100% on the other person. When Tim and I have some difficult times we have a tendency to be very inward and stubborn , luckily as soon as we open ourselves up to the Holy Spirit God allows us to be more selfless. It is a work in progress but he is definitely helping us immensely!

     Lastly, I want to pose a hard question. Is your significant leading you to heaven or are they leading you to sin. Some of my friends have been in relationships that I could tell were leading them away from God and it is really hard to watch. For my friends who are in sexual relationships I am always wondering would the guy leave them if the stopped having sex? If he would then he doesn't love them. On the other hand, some of my friends are dating some great guys who truly love them and I imagine that if they told them they decided they wanted to wait until marriage their boyfriend would respect that. If you love your boyfriend or girlfriend you should want the best for them and what is better than heaven? If you do not understand why it is important to wait until marriage to engage in God's plan for procreation I would recommend that you study Theology of the Body, anything by Christopher West or Jason Evert is a great place to start!

     I really cannot express how beautiful it is to know that Tim has waited for me and that he loves me so much he would never lead me into a counterfeit union. We are blessed that we have both waited this long but I know that is not the case for everybody. It is never too late. If you are in a relationship that isn't loving don't be afraid to get out of it. Being single is better than being used. And if you are in a loving relationship it is never to late to decide to have a chaste relationship. It really is beautiful and it is worth it. God doesn't want to deprive us he wants to blow us away with his love :)

  

Feeling Safe

       As a woman I know it can be very important yet very difficult for us to feel safe in a relationship. When I was younger I know that I did not feel safe enough to be my true self in my first two relationships. I was not free, I was trapped in having to be the kind of girlfriend I thought I had to be in order to hold onto the relationship. I had to drift away from God and Church because that wasn't important to them. I was using my body to attract because I didn't feel that my soul was what they wanted. I remember being so insecure and being scared to express my feelings in fear that they wouldn't be returned. Without the security of knowing my whole being was cherished I could not flourish. Thankfully neither of the relationships lasted long but even that short period of time was enough to cause deep wounds that would take time, prayer, and Tim showing me what real love looked like for me to be able to trust and be free.

     I  know that I am not alone in this. A lot of women bear emotional (if not physical) wounds from previous relationships. Men carry these wounds as well. Even though I didn't have horrible relationships it still affected my relationship with Tim. Women are designed to trust men and be able to love freely. We tend to give a lot of ourselves to relationships even though they are not deserving of it. This sets us up to be wounded easily unfortunately. Listening to women who have been in unfaithful or abusive relationships is the worst. They have to work through so much before they can even be in a place where they can consider trusting men again and it breaks my heart.
 
    In order to prevent further damage to our hearts I think it is really important that we guard our hearts and not ;et everyone in unless they are trust worthy and men prove themselves to be interested in our whole being not just our physical attributes. In the beginning of my relationship with Tim it took me a long time to trust him physically. Tim never disrespected me physically or tried to make any sexual advances on me but because I had experienced that in the past I was on high alert and it literally took me about six months to realize he was never going to do that. This was really hard on me because I wanted to trust him completely but he had to earn my trust and he was happy to help me through the healing process. Even though he wasn't responsible for having caused the wounds he was happy to be able to help me through it because he loved me and wanted me too be able to trust him completely which I can say that I finally do now.
 
    Emotional freedom is another aspect of trusting and being free in a relationship. I am a very emotional and sensitive woman. This is how God created me and because of this I have a great ability to be empathetic which helps me to be a better counselor and friend. However, it can be quite the burden on Tim. I am working on trying to give stuff up to God and allow him to help me through it but usually I still need to share it with Tim and he has become awesome at dealing with it. Before I used to stifle my emotions which really wasn't healthy and I definitely wasn't free. Now I feel so safe I can share the most ridiculous emotions I have with Tim, sometimes he still needs to coax it out of me though haha. Sometimes I still sit in wonder of how amazing it is to share all of my feelings with him and know that he will treat them delicately. I can express my love to him in different ways and not worry of how it will be receiving. Everyone deserves this. If you do not find this in an earthly relationship it is certainly available with God :)

    I just have to share this of an example of what I mean. Sorry if it seems like I am bragging but I hope that all women will experience something like this. Earlier this week I was hormonal and having a rough day so Tim sent me this text at work. "You're the love of my life, the one who I will hold when she is sad, carry when she doesn't have enough strength, make laugh when she can't smile, tell her we will make it through hard times, be Jesus for right here on earth as best as I can be, forever and always until I die" I am so blessed to have him and what is even better is that he lives that it isn't just words. Sometimes I feel like I don't do the same for him but I am working on it. If our relationships are centered on Christ's ultimate example of sacrificial love on the Cross we will all have safe, loving, and trusting relationships!

What is butylated hydroxyanisole and why is it in my food?

This morning at Mass our Priest talked about how when we are young we love eating fried food and sweets. As we get older we start to notice the effects of those foods and how they actually may be killing us. He stated that food is meant to give us life. Of course he later related it to spiritual food but the sentiment remains that food is meant to give us life and nourish us. Our ancestors got their food from the ground, a butcher, a milkman, and a baker. There were no grocery stores like we see today. Food was made in homes and restaurants not in a chemistry lab. So where does this leave us today? As manufacturers have tried to make our lives easier with "convenience food" they have actually created a laundry list of food additives that even Dietitian's can keep straight! Even though I have a degree in nutrition I still get confused by recommendations that seem to contradict each other. Another topic of interest is the notion of "organic" foods. There is a lot to cover but I will focus on my basic understanding and hopefully offer some clarity amidst all of the confusion out there.

When I was in college I didn't buy into the whole organic thing that much. However,at that time I was more focused on the nutritional quality of the produce which usually doesn't vary between organic and non-organic. Now I am realizing that with all of the pesticide use it may be worthwhile to invest in some organic produce. As pesticides are designed to kill insects, it is logical to be concerned about what they would do to the human body. Unfortunately it isn't possible to simply wash off the pesticides. One of my classmates in college did a research presentation on this topic and her takeaway was that if you are going to be consuming the outside of the produce it would be better to buy organic. I found the Environmental Watch Group's dirty dozen (now 14) which have the highest amount of pesticides in the flesh. They also publish a list of the clean 15 which have the lowest amounts of pesticides and can be safe to buy non-organic. As I am still on a tight budget I will probably not buy everything on the dirty dozen list organic but I will certainly pay more attention to it, especially for lettuce eek. Another organic food issue I would like to talk about is that "organic" has become a marketing tool that people automatically associate with being healthy. Chocolate chip cookies that are labeled organic aren't necessarily healthier than non-organic chocolate chip cookies so be careful not to fall into the health halo trap. This isn't something to stress out over but it is certainly worth considering buying some organic produce or growing your own.

Food additives are another thing worth educating yourself about. I assume that most people have occasionally looked at an ingredients list and not recognized at least one item on there. Looking at the 100% whole wheat  bread i just bought I find; sodium stearoyl lactylate, ethoxylate mono-and diglycerides (dough conditioners) azodicarbonamide. Those sound like a fun time that is for sure. I usually pay more attention to labels and don't buy bread with more than a few simple ingredients but a buy one get one free coupon lured me in. As a general rule I think it helpful and healthful to buy less processed foods and get familiar with labels and try to select products with fewer additives and cook more whole foods. I would like to address two additives and ingredients that are important to look out for. I will cover more in the future if they are of interest to anyone.

Artificial sweeteners - Although the scientific evidence varies and most are safe in small quantities I think it is important to limit them. For one, they are not natural and they trick our body. The sweetness gets our body ready for an insulin response but then there is no actual glucose. Another problem is that since our body can not respond appropriately it also affects satiety and fullness cues. There is research to support that when people consume diet or sugar free products they tend to actually eat more calories. This is a combination of biological and psychological factors but nonetheless I think sparing some calories to have real sugar is a better bet in the long run. Natural is usually a good bet. That being said I must admit I really enjoy an occasional diet Pepsi, I actually prefer the flavor to regular Pepsi.

Trans Fats- Trans fats may be the most important thing to look out for. They rarely occur in nature but are created in manufacturing when unsaturated oils are hydrogenated to create a more stable product and desirable texture. They increase inflammation, plaque formations in arteries, increase our "bad" Ldl cholesterol and even decrease the "good" Hdl cholesterol. If a serving size of food has <.5 gram of trans fat it will claim it has 0 grams of trans fat. The small amount of trans fats are of concern as it is advised we limit our intake to less than 2 grams a day. An easy way to check for trans fats is to read the ingredients list for any oil that has been "partially hydrogenated".

Lastly, I can't address concerns with chemicals in our food and bodies without addressing the horror of what some women are doing to their bodies to prevent conceiving a child. I have always been concerned by the pill as I have heard friends who had really adverse reactions to it. The most common pills are either estrogen or progesterone which are hormones women naturally have. The pills are additional doses that aim to prevent ovulation and then if a woman does ovulate it will attempt to prevent the sperm from reaching the egg and if even that fails it has thinned the lining of the uterus so that the fertilized embryo( a human being) can't implant and will die. Ingesting hormones has always scared me, but with good reason some of the health concerns with oral contraceptives are headaches or migraines  low blood pressure, depression  vaginal infection, acne, weight gain, nausea dizziness, breast pain or tenderness,gain or loss of body or facial hair. These are just some of the side affects from webmd some are common and others are less common. Point is that if you don't take it you obviously won't have any of those side-effects yay! There is also an increased risk of uterine and breast cancer.

IUD's are another form of contraceptives that are concerning too me. I personally don't want any pieces of plastic or copper inserted into my vagina. These work by either damaging or killing the sperm. Copper IUD's may increase menstrual bleeding and cramps. Hormonal IUD's may cause ovarian cysts to grow, and also breast tenderness, mood swings, headaches and acne. Women are instructed to call their Doctor if they have ;severe pain in belly or pelvis  severe vaginal bleeding, passing clots of blood and soaking through usual pads or tampons in less than two hours, have fever and chills, or they think they may be pregnant.

My concern is with why women are doing this to their body. I personally believe that God chose to allow us to be co-creators with him sex so that we can bring his children into this world. This being said even condoms block God out of the picture. Although I personally will never use condoms it greatly saddens me to hear of women who have to take birth control or IUD's because their partner does not like wearing condoms. It also upsets me when it is a woman's "fault" for getting pregnant. She definitely did not conceive by immaculate conception so I don't see how it is her "fault".

All of that being said does not mean that women must be baby factories. It is important to be open to the gift of life but we also have the wonderful gift of natural family planning that can be used within good reason. A woman is only fertile during ovulation and about 48 hours after that. There are biological markers that allow us to track our own fertility with 99% accuracy. When a woman knows she is fertile and her and her partner abstain from sex during that period of time it is impossible to conceive a child. There are no harmful side-effects and married couples claim that it strengthens their marriage but increasing mutual respect and love as well and the man gets to know his wife's body more intimately. For those reading who are not married and are in a sexual relationship of course I would recommend that you consider the value of chastity in your relationship but if you are going to have sex would your partner be willing to do natural family planning? For those who are interested I would recommend looking into the Creighton model of NFP.

.This has been a really long post but I hope it gave you some "food for thought".

Raising Saints?

Learning about saints and their lives can be very inspiring and spiritually enriching. However, how much time do we spend thinking about their parents? Some saints come from troubled backgrounds and have a profound conversion experience later in life, but I am willing to bet that the majority of saints come from holy families. Recently I was reading more about my favorite saint, St. Therese of Lisieux, and I learned that her parents were beatified in 2008. I knew that she grew up in a very devout Catholic loving family, but I didn't spend much time reflecting on the influence they had on her spirituality. Her parents , Zelie and Louis both owned small businesses. They managed to balance family life, work, and most importantly their involvement in the Church and guiding their family towards heaven. The Martin's had nine children but sadly four died. Their five daughters that lived all ended up becoming nuns. If this isn't enough of a testament to their holy home, one of there daughters became one of the four female Doctors of the Church.

Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin were not beatified because their daughter is a Doctor of the Church but because they lived their vocation of Matrimony to the fullest. It is beautiful that they were beatified together and they will hopefully be canonized together as well. Shortly after reading about their beatification I attended  a seminar where Bishop Cordileone of San Francisco's mother was in attendance. Someone asked her "How do you raise a Bishop?". Since she was just in the audience we didn't hear her response but it certainly got me thinking about the answer. I truly pray that Tim and I will raise our children in such a faithful and loving home that they will become saints. As Patrick Coffin on Catholic Answers says "be a saint, what else is there?" And it is so true. Raising a family is a big responsibility. But it's also a profound blessing, especially when the home is the primary place of teaching the faith to children. I am so blessed to have Tim who I know will be a wonderful example and leader for our children. I know that I will be praying to Mary and Joseph as well as Zelie and Louis Martin to help guide Tim and I in our parenting.

I love how the Catholic Church esteems marriage and family life to be a sanctifying vocation. A priest once told our young adult bible study that often people look to him as being holier than a married man when that isn't true. A married man who lives his vocation is just as holy as a priest who is living his. How amazing is that? I know I often tend to place Priests higher than married men in my mind, but I will certainly stop doing that. A priest sacrifices everything for the church as a married man sacrifices everything for his family. All of this is so beautiful.

For people who are interested in learning more about Blessed Zelie and Louis Martin I will attach a link.
http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=30127

"Be Satisfied with Me"

I wanted to share this beautiful prayer. When it was read at our ladies breakfast it truly spoke to my heart. I almost started crying because it essentially captured the journey I have been on. It took me a while to realize that I needed to be fulfilled in the love of God and allow him to fix my heart before I could be ready to meet my future husband.

This prayer contains so much wisdom. God had some work to do on my heart before he could bring Tim into my life in the way he had always planned. Tim and I frequently reflect on our journey and how God's timing was so perfect :) Learning to trust God was not easy but it is silly to think that he wouldn't be capable of providing us with an amazing future. 

It is so true that he has surprised me with a love far more wonderful that I could have dreamed of .I want to encourage single readers (or those settling for less than what God has planned for you) to trust in his plan because he will deliver! Please read this prayer and allow it to reign true in your heart. Pray it when you begin to lose faith! 

Be Satisfied with Me

by St. Anthony of Padua

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious, don't worry
Don't look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don't look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied

Am I excited to get Married?

After thinking about it for months I have finally chosen to enter the blog world. God has been teaching me so much and I know so many people out there need hope and I pray that I will be able to provide some. Love is real and love is true. Almost my whole life I dreamed of what the man I would marry would be like. I often got discouraged thinking he wasn't out there and if I truly deserved an amazing man. I learned to trust in him and he has delivered beyond anything I could dream of. I am sorry if it seems like I am bragging but I just want everyone to know you do not have to settle! God will richly bless you as he has richly blessed me if you can only surrender your trust to him(definitely easier said that done). I basically reached a point where I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't start sharing this so here is my blog. If you don't like it that is okay don't read it. If you like it feel free to share it I won't mind :)

This morning I had the wonderful opportunity of attending a ladies breakfast at St. Brigid's. Every time that I am able to attend one of these breakfasts, God blesses me with so much wisdom and love from the other women who attend. We had such an amazing talk and discussion related to suffering and the place it has in our lives. Jesus came down to suffer on the cross so that he could unite himself to our suffering. We just need to open ourselves and invite him to suffer  with us and draw us out of it with his love. It was a beautiful talk but that is not the focus of this post.

After the breakfast, I was talking with some of the ladies about my recent engagement and upcoming wedding next January. Someone asked if I was really excited and of course I said that I was. However, inside I didn't feel excited the way others would expect me to be. The other girls talked about wanted to get married soon after their engagement  I couldn't share in that sentiment and on my drive home I was wondering about why I am not as anxious about getting married as perhaps I should be. I realized that God has taught me so much through waiting. Through waiting for Tim he truly prepared my heart for him. I learned through heartbreak that the only perfect man was Jesus. As Jesus is the only perfect man I should focus my love and attention on him and not waste it on other men who are not deserving. However, God blessed me with a man who does deserve some of that love. We waited two years to get engaged. That period of dating prepared us and taught us so much. Now we have a year of waiting and preparation for marriage  I am excited to spend more time drawing closer to Jesus, Mary, and saints who have witnessed amazing love. I know that this time will enrich both of us and allow our marriage to be even more fruitful. So rather than being excited an anxious I find myself being peaceful, in awe, and so thankful for everything God has given me.

Another area where waiting is a big theme is the decision to save our bodies as the most precious gift we can give to each other on our wedding night. There are a lot of books and talks about how to have a pure relationship and resist temptation. I won't say that Tim and I never had any difficulties in this area in the beginning of the relationship but as we grew in love things changed. Through our understanding of Theology of the Body we know there is a zero possibility that we would cheapen our wedding night.Thankfully we both understand how wonderful and beautiful sex within marriage is and we are completely content to wait until our wedding night and even longer since we will be practicing Natural Family Planning. It isn't hard to wait because we know our marriage is worth it and God is always waiting to bless us if we follow him.

I am not sure how often I will blog but I will try to keep my thoughts focused around a certain topic. As I am new to blogging feel free to give me feedback. Also, sorry for run-on sentences!

Have a Blessed Day!

Rachel