As a woman I know it can be very important yet very difficult for us to feel safe in a relationship. When I was younger I know that I did not feel safe enough to be my true self in my first two relationships. I was not free, I was trapped in having to be the kind of girlfriend I thought I had to be in order to hold onto the relationship. I had to drift away from God and Church because that wasn't important to them. I was using my body to attract because I didn't feel that my soul was what they wanted. I remember being so insecure and being scared to express my feelings in fear that they wouldn't be returned. Without the security of knowing my whole being was cherished I could not flourish. Thankfully neither of the relationships lasted long but even that short period of time was enough to cause deep wounds that would take time, prayer, and Tim showing me what real love looked like for me to be able to trust and be free.
I know that I am not alone in this. A lot of women bear emotional (if not physical) wounds from previous relationships. Men carry these wounds as well. Even though I didn't have horrible relationships it still affected my relationship with Tim. Women are designed to trust men and be able to love freely. We tend to give a lot of ourselves to relationships even though they are not deserving of it. This sets us up to be wounded easily unfortunately. Listening to women who have been in unfaithful or abusive relationships is the worst. They have to work through so much before they can even be in a place where they can consider trusting men again and it breaks my heart.
In order to prevent further damage to our hearts I think it is really important that we guard our hearts and not ;et everyone in unless they are trust worthy and men prove themselves to be interested in our whole being not just our physical attributes. In the beginning of my relationship with Tim it took me a long time to trust him physically. Tim never disrespected me physically or tried to make any sexual advances on me but because I had experienced that in the past I was on high alert and it literally took me about six months to realize he was never going to do that. This was really hard on me because I wanted to trust him completely but he had to earn my trust and he was happy to help me through the healing process. Even though he wasn't responsible for having caused the wounds he was happy to be able to help me through it because he loved me and wanted me too be able to trust him completely which I can say that I finally do now.
Emotional freedom is another aspect of trusting and being free in a relationship. I am a very emotional and sensitive woman. This is how God created me and because of this I have a great ability to be empathetic which helps me to be a better counselor and friend. However, it can be quite the burden on Tim. I am working on trying to give stuff up to God and allow him to help me through it but usually I still need to share it with Tim and he has become awesome at dealing with it. Before I used to stifle my emotions which really wasn't healthy and I definitely wasn't free. Now I feel so safe I can share the most ridiculous emotions I have with Tim, sometimes he still needs to coax it out of me though haha. Sometimes I still sit in wonder of how amazing it is to share all of my feelings with him and know that he will treat them delicately. I can express my love to him in different ways and not worry of how it will be receiving. Everyone deserves this. If you do not find this in an earthly relationship it is certainly available with God :)
I just have to share this of an example of what I mean. Sorry if it seems like I am bragging but I hope that all women will experience something like this. Earlier this week I was hormonal and having a rough day so Tim sent me this text at work. "You're the love of my life, the one who I will hold when she is sad, carry when she doesn't have enough strength, make laugh when she can't smile, tell her we will make it through hard times, be Jesus for right here on earth as best as I can be, forever and always until I die" I am so blessed to have him and what is even better is that he lives that it isn't just words. Sometimes I feel like I don't do the same for him but I am working on it. If our relationships are centered on Christ's ultimate example of sacrificial love on the Cross we will all have safe, loving, and trusting relationships!
