Beauty to Unveil

         Months ago I decided  to start wearing a mantilla (veil) to Mass. I have been thinking about blogging about my decision to wear a veil and my experience so far but I have been putting it off.  God is really pushing me to share so here I go. I want to start off by saying that I hope to encourage women to try wearing a veil as I have found it to be a wonderful tradition, but it does not mean that I think any less of women who do not wear a veil to Mass. After reading a few blogs about reviving the tradition of wearing a veil to Mass, the idea was attractive to me and I decided that I wanted to try it.

        Originally I was planning on waiting until my wedding day to start wearing my veil. I was planning on wearing a simple mantilla in the wedding and then continuing to wear that veil to Mass after the wedding. Even though that would have been beautiful, I quickly realized that I didn't want to wait that long. The idea of wearing a veil and walking down the aisle to my bridegroom (Tim) is such a beautiful image and I am really looking forward to it but Jesus will always be my first bridegroom. I hope I can adequately explain this so it doesn't sound like a polyandry or anything like that haha. Jesus is the bridegroom and the Church is his bride. As a baptized Catholic, I am part of the Church, I am part of the Body of Christ. Jesus sacrifices everything for his bride, his church, me. I have been working on approaching communion with a deep reverence and understanding that I am consuming the true body of Christ. By wearing a veil, I feel as though I am a bride approaching my groom at the altar, Jesus. This has been a beautiful and rich experience for me, especially as I am preparing to marry Tim. For this reason alone, I love wearing my veil but there are other reasons.

       Being a young woman wearing a veil in church is not a common thing. At first I was really nervous and did not want to stick out in church. However, I realized that I needed to pray for humility and not worry what others were thinking and that has been a freeing experience. We should never be concerned with others thoughts during Mass, we are there for Jesus. I also don't have to worry about what my hair looks like so that is definitely a plus. There is also an element of modesty associated with wearing a veil. A woman's hair is truly one of her wonderful feminine characteristics and by wearing a veil it shows that she has beauty to unveil. Men are not immune to lusting just because they are in a church , but I personally thinking seeing a woman in a veil would lead men to be in awe of her beauty and virtue rather than dealing with lust .Also, by wearing a veil it makes me want to dress more modest because I would feel awkward wearing a veil with a tank top or short dress. It has also inspired me to dress nicely for Mass and I have really enjoyed that.

       I am so blessed to be called to the Sacrament of Matrimony but I also love the Sacrament of Holy Orders. I love nuns, I get excited every-time I see one. Recently I went to pray at St. Therese of Carmel and I saw a nun in the school hugging and kissing a small child who was being picked up by his mother. It was so beautiful. Nuns are beautiful women of Christ and they get to be married to him exclusively. In marriage I will be balancing my relationship with Tim and Jesus, which I am looking forward too don't get me wrong. There is just something so beautiful about men and women giving their ENTIRE life and being to Christ. This may seem like a tangent but when I wear my veil in Mass in a small way I feel connected to my sisters wearing their habit. I also feel connected to my Holy mother of God, Mary. And I really love Mary! I try to pray every day to grow in loving as Mary loved and by wearing a veil I remind myself that I am called to be like Mary in a sense by bringing Christ to the world with love.

      After a few months of wearing my veil I really don't think I will go back to not wearing a veil. I carry it in my purse at all times so I am ready if I decide to go to daily Mass or Adoration. While on a retreat I didn't wear the veil since we went to outdoor Mass and it definitely felt weird. I surprisingly haven't had too many people ask me about wearing the veil. Most of it has occurred when I visit my family and wear the veil to church with them. It is pretty rare to see anyone wearing a veil there, including older women. However, the responses I have received after were very positive and one woman actually asked me where I got mine so that she and her daughter could start wearing one :) The other responses have been people assuming I normally go to a Latin Mass and that I somehow got lost haha. There is a lot of confusion as to why I would wear a veil even though I am not attending a Latin Mass so hopefully this clears up the confusion! By the way I chose a simple black lace Mantilla that I bought at a Catholic store in Camarillo for only nine dollars. And when I went to the store I didn't even know what I was looking for because when I asked for a "liturgical veil" I got a blank stare and the lady eventually realized what I meant was Mantilla. I didn't know the lingo but my heart knew that I wanted to wear one.

       
     

Running Straight into the Arms of Love Itself

        Lately I have not had much time for blogging. It is less than three months away from my wedding and I am working full time, taking a class on Infant and Toddler Development, leading a book club and starting this week I will be teaching 5th grade Catechism classes. I am really blessed by all of these activities but it does not leave much time or energy for blogging. However, people have been telling me that they really enjoy reading my blogs so I will try to post at least a few times a month. 

       Now I will get to the topic at hand. Last weekend Tim and I helped to facilitate a young adult retreat for 140 young adults from all over San Diego. It was such a wonderful weekend up in Julian. I always love having the opportunity to watch people encounter Jesus in new ways and also see how God plans to use the weekend to nurture me and my faith as well. One of my favorite part of retreats is the opportunity to experience the combination of praise and worship, Adoration, and Confession. It is an experience beyond what words can describe. Sitting and kneeling in Adoration before Jesus is the best way to prepare my heart to meet him in the Sacrament of Confession. Having beautiful music in the background alternating with periods of silence really helps to center and to focus me. 

       After a while in Adoration I decided to join the line for Confession. We had six priests for 140 people so there was a continuous line for two hours and it was a really beautiful thing to witness. While I was waiting in line I was kneeling and staring at the Monstrance on the altar. Next to the altar was a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus with his arms of mercy and love outstretched towards me. I close my eyes and imagined myself being the prodigal daughter running into the arms of Jesus and having him embrace me with a huge smile and warm hug. It was such a beautiful moment and it was showing me exactly what was about to happen when I confessed my sins to the Priest. Even though I was ashamed of things I had done and that I hadn't always pleased God with my actions, I knew that he would receive me with love and forgiveness. After this image I continued to pray and prepare my heart for Confession but instead of the anxiety I usually felt I had joy. I had to go outside to meet the Priest for Confession and it was getting dark but I could still see his face while I confessed my sins (sometimes through tears- I usually end up crying) and he was smiling at me. I really laid my sins out there and he received them with such love and mercy. Instead of giving me a standard penance he actually responded to my difficulties and gave me a penance that actually helped me to address the underlying cause of my major sins. I imagine Jesus was smiling down upon us thinking that this is what the Sacrament should look like. After I received absolution I went back inside and kneeled before the Monstrance on the Altar. I felt so light and free it was amazing. I have never quite felt that way after Confession! My soul felt clean, or as Father Calloway likes to explain it, I had my spiritual diaper changed! 

Jesus had wrapped me up in his love just as he had shown me in the image of running into his arms of love. I have been struggling with getting to regular Confession at least once if not twice a month but now I know I definitely don't want to stay away from his merciful arms of love!

      There are many aspects of the Catholic Faith that I feel incredibly blessed by but I felt really called to share this experience of mine. Having the opportunity to experience Adoration and Confession at the same time is beyond moving I can't encourage people to seek it out enough. Also, if you are planning a retreat I strongly encourage you to include this component it will change lives :)

Living the Eucharistic Pattern: Given

       Broken and given are very closely related to each other as I alluded to in the previous post. Not only must we be broken in order to be given (shared) but the way we are broken actually shapes how we are given to others. The unique way we are broken is directly linked to how we can be given. The majority of ministries that exist come out of someones suffering and desire to help those who are suffering in similar ways. If people are able to overcome their brokenness through God's grace they are usually inspired to help those struggling in the same way that they were. If someone was abused as a child they can relate to children in abusive homes in ways that someone on the outside never could. This is so beautiful and inspiring to me. When I was involved with International Justice Mission, I was so inspired by how they help the victims of human trafficking become advocates and counselors to help other victims. Being able to make something beautiful out of suffering is something that we learned from Jesus on the cross.

    Everyone has had difficulties in life and if we hold onto our brokenness and turn inward in our suffering who knows how many people won't get the help they need because we aren't allowing ourselves to be given. Katrina pointed out that we are called to give of ourselves not only in life but also in death. We can see death as putting out a lamp because they dawn has come. Death is not something negative but something positive especially when we have an eternal perspective. A few weeks ago, the founder of Made in His Image came to San Diego to talk about her life journey. Maura Byrne grew up being broken by years of sexual abuse by a family member and later developed an eating disorder as a method of trying to cope with her pain. After college, Maura knew that she needed to get help and sought treatment from a Catholic Psychiatric center. She had a long process of healing but what helped her most was knowing that she was made in God's image and that she had dignity and deserved love just because of that fact, there was nothing she could do to gain or lose his love. Eventually Maura realized that God was calling her to reach out to others who had been the victims of sexual abuse or were struggling with eating disorders and she founded Made in His Image in 2011. The unique ways in which she was broken lead her to precisely how God wants her to be given to others. In only two years many women's lives have been completely changed by Maura inviting her God into her brokenness and allowing herself to be given in a unique way. I recommend that you look into her ministry because it is truly beautiful and it will be moving to San Diego soon which is very exciting!

       The process of allowing ourselves to die (through being broken) in order to be given is a continual process. We are called to practice dying and giving every single day. This is really a challenge but I find help in asking for Mary to assist me. Mary died completely to herself in offering her entire life to God when she gave her yes to conceiving Jesus by the Holy Spirit. Prayer is essential in this process because we truly need God's help in order to die and give of ourselves on a daily basis. Katrina invited us to take a huge step in actually praying for God to break us more so that we can be given more. She warned us to not pray this lightly because if we pray for it we will be broken more. This is something I am still not quite ready to do but I really pray that I will allow God to lead me to that place in my spirituality. Love is so beautiful in that in its purest form it inspires us to die to ourselves and give completely of ourselves. Ironically in death love actually becomes life giving. God desires to give us eternal life after we die isn't that beyond amazing and wonderful? Let's not be afraid of brokenness and dying to ourselves but strive to embrace it. This is certainly easier to do in a community of others striving for the same thing so please continue to pray for each other. I would really appreciate any comment's on this series of posts. I am still getting the hang of blogging so I would like to know if my posts are helpful or not! I can take constructive criticism it can help break me a tiny bit :)

And please check out this wonderful organization!
http://madeinhisimage.org/

Living the Eucharistic Pattern: Broken

       This part of living the Eucharistic pattern resonated the most with me and helped me the most. God spent a whole week making sure I really understood this message. It was exactly what I needed to hear to help me with my struggles and I hope it is helpful to you as well. After we are chosen and blessed we must be BROKEN just as the Priest breaks the Eucharist and Jesus broke the bread which would become his flesh that he offered up for us. All of us have been broken to some degree by different life circumstances. Henri Nouwen points out that the unique ways in which we are broken is actually an expression of individuality. How have you been broken?Often we are ashamed of how we are broken and we want to hide it. We pretend that we have everything together and we want to show everyone our best face rather than things that make us vulnerable. When someone asks how you are doing how often are we actually honest and tell them we are something other that "good". What I am learning is that I actually need to embrace my brokenness. Our brokenness is actually insight to where God is calling us to serve him and how he wants to be glorified within us.

      When we are broken it is actually an invitation to a deeper communion with God and it is up to us to either choose to accept or reject it. When I read "Discovering the Feminine Genius" by Katrina Zeno I learned that heartbreak can be God making room for himself in our hearts. That insight was transforming for me. In our weakness God makes us strong. Without our weakness and brokenness we would have no need for God. It is not something to be ashamed of , we are human. Even though I would not consider myself to be a perfectionist I tend to have a really hard time dealing with my shortcomings in my relationship with Tim. In a way this is almost a heresy because I am not God and I was not born without original sin. When we accept our shortcomings and brokenness it is an opportunity for God to increase the blessings in our lives. Please never start to think that you broken beyond God's power to help you because that is impossible. All we need to do is ask for his help and allow him to work within us. God loves to take broken people and restore them to something more beautiful than they were before. History is full of Saints who were terribly broken before they offered their lives to Jesus. If you are struggling with your brokenness our wonderful Mother in heaven, Mary, is more than happy to wrap you up in a loving hug. Never be afraid to ask for her help learning how to trust in her son's redemptive powers :) In order to be shared with others we must be broken first! Knowing that it is part of God's beautiful plan of redemption for us is certainly helpful in accepting the difficult things that happen in our lives. This was incredibly freeing for me and I hope it has been helpful to you as well.

Living the Eucharistic Pattern : Blessed

       After we are chosen, God doesn't just leave us on our own. We are BLESSED. This blessing doesn't just happen once, it is an ongoing experience. Blessings affirm us in who we are, unlike compliments which are focused on what we do. Jesus cares more about who we are than what we do. Even Jesus experienced affirmations from God multiple times in the Gospels. After Jesus was baptized the Holy Spirit descends on him as a dove "and behold, a voice out of the heavens said, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." Matthew 3:17. I absolutely love this passage. Imagine God saying the same thing about you "This is My beloved son/daughter, in whom I am well-pleased" Isn't that what our hearts desire? Especially if our biological parents don't say voice their approval of us I can imagine we would desire it that much more. Another bible passage comes from Numbers:23-25 "Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying 'Thus you shall bless the sons of Israel  You shall say to them The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you, and be gracious to you" God certainly desired to bestow blessings upon us and allow us to feel affirmed in exactly who we are. 

       One of the most important places where God will richly blesses and affirms us is through prayer. This is only one of the reasons why prayer is so important. It can be very difficult to be silent in prayer. Anyone who knows me knows that I like to talk A LOT. Likewise I spend a lot of time talking to God in prayer rather than sitting in silence. However, I have been trying to at least have some silence after I tell God all that I want to tell him .Adoration can be a good time to practice just being in God's presence in silence so that we can be attentive to what he is telling us but we can make time for silence anywhere. In this silence we are able to listen for the voice of blessing. My challenge to you is to spend more time in silence in order to recognize the blessings God would like to bestow on you. God has really been helping me deal with some things lately and all it has taken is for me to spend some time in silence before him. He has helped me put together the puzzle pieces he has been constructing in my life. It has been very helpful! 

       Furthermore we can help affirm each-other  We really should let everyone in our lives know how much of a blessing they are! So many people feel like their life is pointless and that is never true. I have not done the best job at implementing this. Imagine telling the cashier at the grocery store how she has blessed you, not exactly normal social protocol but it could touch her heart. Also, when someone asks how you are instead of saying "I am good" try saying "I am blessed". Again that is another one I need to work on! I have been blessed by having so many people read my blog and I have been really surprised by all of the positive feedback I have received so thank you for blessing me :)

Living the Eucharistic Pattern : Chosen

       About a month ago San Diego was blessed by the presence of the wonderful Catholic author, Katrina Zeno. I had the privileged of talking with her at a few young adult events and then I was able to attend her presentation on Living the Eucharistic Pattern. If you are not aware, I am a huge fan of her book "Discovering the Feminine Genius: Every Woman's Journey" so it was kind of surreal to meet her and talk with her. You can just ask Tim about how excited I was when I realized who she was. Katrina has experienced a few hardships in her life including having her Catholic marriage unravel and becoming a divorced single mother. In all of her suffering God taught her about the true meaning of her vocation as a woman. She is a beautiful woman whose life has been transformed by Pope John Paul II's writings on women, especially Theology of the Body. Discovering the Feminine Genius really made an impact on my life and I was eager to learn about what Living the Eucharistic Pattern meant.

       Katrina's presentation was only about an hour but it contained a lot of information so I decided to break it up into four posts. A lot of her presentation was inspired by "Life of the Beloved" by Henri Nouwen. If you are not interested in adding an entire book to your reading list it is summarized in a chapter of Katrina's book titled "When Life Doesn't Go Your Way". As Christian's we are called to live a Eucharistic Pattern in our daily lives. By being anchored in the Eucharist we can truly have a faith encounter with the Living God which allows us to share in his sufferings and death before the resurrection. Just like the Eucharist our lives are Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and Given.

      We are all CHOSEN by Jesus himself. Katrina reflected on Jesus spotting Zacchaeus, a tax collector in a tree. Zacchaeus was a man who was hated by the community. In a sense he was perceived to be a traitor as he was taking their money to give to Rome. However, he wanted to see Jesus so he decided to climb a tree and watch from afar where he could be safe. Jesus was in the midst of a crowd of people all trying to get his attention and he looks right at Zacchaeus up in the tree and tells him to get down because Jesus plans to stay at his house that night. Jesus chose a man who was hated by the community, a tax collector, a sinner. Jesus chose us and we can't do anything to earn or lose it. No matter what you have done Jesus wants you to open your home (your heart) for him to stay at. Are you ready for Jesus to come stay with you tonight? I don't know about you but it seems crazy to me to turn down Jesus. However, Jesus knocks at the door of our hearts continuously inviting us into prayer or to share his love with others and I know that I don't always answer. At the end of the day we must remind ourselves that Jesus doesn't notice performance he notices people. By understanding that we are chosen by Jesus and he wants to come into our lives we can respond by running to prepare our lives for him to be welcomed inside.

Too Many Flowers

       This post comes mainly from an email Tim sent me earlier this week. His email was in response to a Time Magazine cover story called "The Childfree Life: When Having it All Means Not Having Children" I have adapted it slightly but the majority are his words of wisdom :)
       Honestly, no one in this world will love you more truly than a child who you show true love. People need to understand the most important investment you can make in this world is something that will be passed down through the generations. You would not be here today if not for thousands of people coming together to raise children. Do not invest all of your time in something that will not love you back, your bank account. What is the ultimate meaning of life; love. And how do we achieve that?  Through our relationship with others, not through what we do, but who we are; our thoughts, our minds, our lives. Life is not about comfort, it is not about living the easy life, it is about what will give our lives true purpose which is the endless fight for the salvation of humanity. I hope one day when I reach heaven, serving the world will not end, and that is part of being a saint. I believe that we work hard in this life not to have an easy life one day down the road, but for all of eternity, I will fight for God and pray for others even in Heaven. I will give true life to the world through my children, and through my children, the world will have many saints.
       You know, I heard an excellent thing on Catholic Answers  It was in defense of having children. Something came up and one of the hosts mentions he has 5 children. The caller responds that he is selfish, because children are a drain on the economy. They eat up tax payer dollars through schooling, they require more resources as we need diapers, more food to feed them, toys, etc. They also costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise, not to mention the drain on the parents. And to have 5 is crazy, no way each child is getting the attention he or she needs. But he responded that you cannot put a measure on love and happiness, so she cannot know how much his children are loved, but what he can tell her is his children know love through God. More-so is each of his children has been taught to love the world. She had no children. So he responded, one day you will grow old, you may not be able to care for yourself. You may fall in your home and need to call 911, who will respond. Not the generation today, but the generation he is raising, his children. If you are placed in a nursing home, it will not be your peers that will take care of you, but a nurse, a young one, perhaps one of his children. The food you eat, will be picked by a younger generation still strong enough to do so. You ride a bus, it will be driven by people still young enough to have good eyesight. There will be hundreds of younger people taking care of you even without you knowing. If there aren't enough young people, who will care for you? Who will pay your social security? Children are expensive, but even in monetary terms, the amount they will give back to society is far greater.
       Now this Rachel adding my two cents. Yesterday I was sitting in Adoration before the Vigil Service of the Assumption of Mary. God helped me to realize that his personal plan for my salvation truly is through family life. I tried to imagine myself as a nun and I realized that I may not have been able to learn how to love selflessly and die to myself in a convent. It is kind of rough for me to realize this but I think I really will need the selfless love of my children to purify and sanctify my heart. I really treasure my sleep and I sometimes worry how I will cope with motherhood but I know that God will give me the grace I need to do so. I am so thankful that God has lead me this far to my vocation and I know he will continue to do so. However, it does make me wonder how will God be able to soften the hearts of those called to married life if they are not willing to open their hearts to the love children will bring into their lives?
    
How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers. - Mother Teresa 

One Way Ticket to Heaven

               I have touched on this topic in an earlier post but I was having trouble sleeping at 3 am and after praying I decided that this was something that needed further attention. Lately I have really been faced with how selfish I can be and how much I really need to learn to die to myself in order to prepare for marriage. We have been having a relationship skills series at St. Brigid's and this past week we learned about understanding expectations. Expectations have caused many conflicts in my relationship with Tim. Some of them are normal especially in regards to communication. My view of communication is shaped by my feminine hard-wiring and his view is definitely shaped by the fact that he is male. This is something that we have been working through and as a result I have grown more comfortable with his silence and he has learned to talk more and express himself more. We have been dating 31 months and communication is something we will continue to work on for the rest of our lives. It has been a struggle at times but it has allowed us to grow into better people.
              Here is the tricky part. In the relationship skills series we learned that there are four steps to learning to deal with and work through expectations. The first one is to become aware of your own expectations since a lot of them are unconscious. Then you evaluate them to figure out which expectations are unrealistic. If they are unrealistic you have to somehow learn to let them go even if you have held to them for years. Then once you decide which expectations are reasonable you need to communicate them lovingly to your partner. Lastly you negotiate how to manage the expectations and create a share vision together. Expectations only become valid when mutually agreed upon. I don't know about you but this was a tough pill for me to swallow. I have some expectations that I think are completely reasonable but Tim thinks are not. This will be something I will have to spend time reflecting on deeply. I know that Tim loves me and wants to work with me on this but nonetheless I know that it will not be an easy process for me.
             It is incredibly difficult to be faced with the reality of our selfish nature and how it really is incompatible with loving another person more that our self. I know that I tend to me too hard on myself and that I am probably not as selfish as I feel that I am but this is still something I am struggling with. It is not enough to want to die to yourself, you have to actually do it. However, God has been showing me that this is not a negative process it is truly a beautiful process that we all go through in life. Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a Ladies Breakfast at St. Brigid's and we had a parishioner come talk to us about marriage (she has fifty years of experience). She told us that marriage can be incredibly difficult at times but it allows us to see our true selves reflected in the other person. We have the opportunity to face all of our flaws and selfish tendencies and God gives us the grace to overcome it. Marriage allows us to grow in holiness with our spouse.
           When we think of marriage as allowing us to purify our hearts and desires we can see how a marriage truly lived out as a Sacrament is a one way ticket to heaven. Ironically, at the same time the ladies were learning more about marriage the men were discussing humility. Humility is really the core of this whole process. We must humble ourselves at the foot of the cross and embrace our humanity and all of the flaws associated with it. The love of ones spouse and God combined together can give us the strength to face anything. At times I am scared to face my flaws but this is simply a lack of faith. Somehow I think that God is not capable of purifying my heart and desires to be selfless and altruistic. When I get disheartened I have to give myself a reality check and almost laugh at myself because I know God is more than capable of giving me the grace I need to love Tim as he loves him! There is nothing God cannot help us with if we fully accept and cooperate with the grace he gives us. As Tim likes to remind me that sometimes we can pray and pray for God's help but then it requires for us to take actions no matter how hard and humbling it is! Thank God for all of the love and blessings he bestows on us when we are striving to follow his path of goodness.

Do I really love him?

            Over the weekend Tim and I were blessed to attend the Stuebenville San Diego 18:23 conference. Steubenville San Diego is a large Catholic teen conference that gathers 5,000 teenagers from different states. It is loud and chaotic but you can tell that Jesus is truly touching the hearts of many youngsters. Luckily they decided to form a young adult sub-conference last year for 18-25 year olds. Tim and I have never attended any type of Steubenville conference before so it was quite the experience for us. In this post I am going to focus on the final talk of the weekend that was given by Deacon Ralph Poyo. We entered midway into the talk as he was discussing the early Christian Martyrs.
           Deacon Ralph was explaining to us that if he were a Christian living in Rome during that time, he would be placed in a very difficult situation. If Romans came and asked if he were Christian he would be giving himself, his wife, and children a death sentence. I had no idea that children were used for entertainment in the Coliseum. It makes sense that this would be the case but somehow I had been ignorant to this. At that moment if he said yes he would know that they would take his children away from him and take them to the Coliseum to "play lambs". The children would be told that they would get to pretend to be lambs and they dressed them in lamb skins. As they were crawling out into the Coliseum blood would be poured onto their lamb skins. They would then get cheers from the crowds as they ran around pretending to be lambs unknowing that starving lions were about to be released. When asked if he believed in Jesus Christ he would say yes knowing that his children would meet this fate. Wow. As he said this I had to think would I do this? I can't imagine not wanting to protect my children from this. And then I realized that I would be protecting them from things of this world rather than doing my ultimate job of leading them to heaven. His story was not finished though.
        He and his wife would have been separated from their children and brought to the Emperors' palace. They would have been impaled, covered in tar, and made into human tiki torches for the Emperors' parties. He would answer yes knowing that this would be their fate. It is really horrible to imagine that this happened but what would motivate someone to say yes to this fate? His answer was only the love of Jesus Christ. The faith of the Martyrs was so strong that they knew that they had to die for Jesus and that death was not the end. So the question is will we die for Jesus?
       In order to help us evaluate how strong our faith is he lead us through an exercise. He asked us to stand if we believed that Jesus was the son of God and wanted to follow him. I am pretty sure everyone stood up. Then he asked us if God asked us to pick everything up and move to Africa to live a simple life would we do it? I didn't even make it past the first test, I sat down. I could not just pick up and leave,I would have to pray and really think about the decision. Tim remained standing which surprised me. Later I found out he was assuming he would at least get to take me with him. The next question was if we would be willing to give up hopes for marriage and family and serve him as a single person. Tim sat down since he felt that God does not want that for him. However we later discussed that if we did get a clear sign from God that he wanted us to live single consecrated life in the next five months we would obey. Half of the room was still standing at this point. Then he asked what if a group of men come up and threaten to rape you if you do not denounce your faith. Some people sat down but others remained standing. He took it even further and the last question what if someone came up with a gun and asked if you were a Christian and they would shoot you if you said yes. Some people remained standing. My faith is not as strong as that, but as a Christian I am truly called to die for Jesus. So how am I willing to die for Jesus? The truth is that I realized how selfish I am and how much more I need to lay down my life for Christ. It was a really great, but a sobering and painful realization to have. We need to surrender everything to him, not our will be done but his. So how much are you willing to die for him? I really recommend that you spend some time in prayer and reflection thinking about this.
           As our country continues to become more hostile towards Christianity ,especially Catholicism we really need to be prepared to stand strong for our faith. I am really excited that our Church will not comply with the HHS mandate but what am I willing to do? Am I willing to risk not paying my taxes so that my money won't fund abortions? Am I willing to go to jail? Am I willing to lose my job if it comes to that? Honestly I do not know how much persecution I am willing to take but I will certainly be praying that God prepares me to do so! We need to pray for courage and faith!

Just a Kiss?

          As sex has lost its sacredness and meaning in our culture it follows that a kiss would be even less meaningful. It is pretty common to hear people talking about their weekends saying "Oh we just made out, nothing happened" When did kissing and making out become nothing? I understand that in comparison to sex that does become lesser but it definitely is still significant. I know that not everyone holds this view but I would like to challenge peoples attitudes towards kissing. All of us know that kissing does not create babies so what is the harm in kissing people? Isn't it just a kiss?

         Think about what happens when two people kiss. When their lips connect in a sense their bodies become one (but not as fully as they do in the marital act). Even without using tongue it is undeniable that kissing brings two people together in a special way. When two people kiss a lesser amount of the bonding hormones released during sex are released. It is a beautiful and intimate way to connect with someone and I think this merits us treating them as something more than just a way of testing our physical chemistry with someone new.

      When I was in high school I held to that idea that I would not kiss a guy unless he was my boyfriend. This certainly helped prevent me from getting involved with guys who were not interested in fully getting to know me as a person. Unfortunately I strayed from this notion a few times after my first relationship and I honestly can't believe I kissed guys that I barely knew. I thought I was being good because I would only kiss them but nothing more. I fell for the cultural lie that a kiss is just a kiss and nothing more. To my dismay my heart knew that wasn't the case. I tried my best to make those guys into someone I could be in a relationship with (by settling of course) but thankfully those guys were not actually looking for a relationship.

     Luckily there is a growing movement of people who want to reclaim their sexuality and protect its sacred nature. I know hundreds of young adults who are striving to live chaste lifestyles. However, I have learned that sometimes we are so focused on the sacredness of saving sex for marriage that it is possible to lose sight of the sacredness of a kiss. If we are going to save our selves for marriage we should probably be stingy with our kisses. The idea of a courtship (dating with the likelihood of the relationship resulting in marriage is a beautiful idea) but I think people need to be cautious in how they proceed. If a couple kisses too early in getting to know each other before the commitment is certain it can certainly complicate things. Especially in chaste dating a kiss is very significant. A kiss should not come before commitment. If there is commitment is not laid out it can cause a lot of confusion for the girl  or guy who wonders what exactly the kiss meant, does it mean they are a couple or not? Once couples begin kissing it is very easy to become enamored with the person and not get to know them as a whole person, flaws and all. That being said I must admit that Tim and I shared our first kiss after our first date and right after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know that seems really fast. However, we knew each other as good friends for 1.5 years before we started dating and spent a month discerning entering into the relationship and the idea of marriage was already on the table.

     Recently Tim and I had a sobering realization. Tim had started to feel that sometimes I was kissing him out of habit and it wasn't an expression of love. This was absolutely crushing too me. I love him and I couldn't believe I had made him feel like that. Occasionally, kissing has caused some other problems in our relationship (usually me feeling that maybe we were kissing too much). Tim proposed that we spend a week where we didn't kiss. In a sense it will help prepare us to be in the mindset for NFP and allow us to strengthen other aspects of our relationship. We did that for the first time last month and it really helped. We decided to make it a monthly thing and will start our week without kissing tomorrow! I also want to add that Tim and I decided early in our relationship to save french kissing for marriage as well. I think this has really helped us keep our relationship chaste and prevent temptation. I am sharing all of this in the hopes that it will make you think about how you approach the idea of kissing. I know that people will disagree with me and that is okay :)

Looking for Love

       Tim will be happy to learn that some of his wisdom that inspired this post. We have some friends who are having a really hard time finding a good relationship. Tim essentially said that love isn't really something that we can go out seeking. In a way it has to come to us. If we are actively seeking love it is inevitable that we will become desperate and overlook red flags. True love flows freely between two people and it is not something that we can force out of someone. We can't make someone love us. The only caveat that I would like to add to Tim's wisdom is that we actually can seek love, from God. Gods love is always freely flowing towards us we just need to open ourselves and invite his love in. We don't have to make God love us he always loves us thank goodness.

      When I was younger I always had a feeling that the man for me would come in my life when I didn't expect it. So I tried to pretend I wasn't actively seeking out love even though in reality I wasted way too much time trying to get someone to love me. And Tim kind of did sneak into my life when I had my heart set on someone else. God has a really good way of working things out even if we are resistant to his plan at first. Eventually most of us reach a point where we realize that our way of searching for love just isn't working and we have to surrender our desires to him. An amazing thing happens when we do this. We realize love isn't as far from our grasp as we though it was. To quote a movie I used to love " Love actually is all around". How true is that. We spend so much time pursuing romantic love when really love is all around us. Some people didn't come from loving families but hopefully they have found a loving group of friends. If you don't have a lot of love in your life cling to Jesus and his mother Mary and they will show you a love that  you didn't think was even possible. We need to focus on our blessings and not what we don't have (this is something I certainly need to do more of).

    So where are you looking for love? If you are going out to parties and bars don't be surprised when the guy you meet there turns out to not be the greatest guy. If you want to save yourself a lot of heartache turn to God and allow him to feel your heart with love. I know this is a reoccurring theme but I don't think it can be said enough, trust in God's timing his timing is always perfect. When we mess with God's timing and think our plan is better we end up hurting ourselves. God knows the desires of our heart better than we do and he plans to fulfill them in amazing ways here on earth and then beyond our greatest dreams once we are in heaven with him!

How can you tell if someone truly loves you?

         Love is something that people can define in many different ways. For some people it is the warm fuzzy feelings that happen in the beginning of a relationship. For others love is synonymous with sex, we say "making love" which everyone understands as having sex. Which is on to something, but for love to exist it has to be self-sacrificial. I am pretty sure Cosmopolitan and Seventeen often have articles which are supposed to help women discern how their boyfriend actually feels about them. Instead of over-analyzing his texts and whether or not he wants to cuddle after sex, I think there are more important questions to ask. 

       A good place to start is by looking at your relationship. Is your relationship defined and is it exclusive? A lot of people have gray area when it comes to knowing whether or not they are in a relationship and it is really sad. It is a mans job to pursue a woman and it is his job to make his intentions clear. I would hope the man is interested in pursuing marriage with the woman and that is why he wants to date her but I know that is not always the case. If you are in a pseudo relationship with someone and you are scared to ask them if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend chances are you should not be dating that person. 

     Another question to consider is where is the relationship headed? If you cannot see yourself marrying the person it is best to stop wasting your time. If the person you are dating is not marriage material they will not change. Although this is counter-cultural, I believe that dating should be focused on the prospects of marriage with that person. I would also recommend that you choose someone who is focused on Jesus. In the past when I tried to date in my own terms it did not work out well for me. Before I was able to start dating Tim God had to teach me that every person on this earth would disappoint me and Jesus was the only man who would never disappoint me. I realized how silly it was for me to be investing so much of myself in pursuing guys when who I should have been pursuing was Jesus. My relationship with Jesus allows me to depend on him so that Tim isn't solely responsible for my happiness and helping me through my struggles. A relationship without Jesus can be very difficult as the focus is 100% on the other person. When Tim and I have some difficult times we have a tendency to be very inward and stubborn , luckily as soon as we open ourselves up to the Holy Spirit God allows us to be more selfless. It is a work in progress but he is definitely helping us immensely!

     Lastly, I want to pose a hard question. Is your significant leading you to heaven or are they leading you to sin. Some of my friends have been in relationships that I could tell were leading them away from God and it is really hard to watch. For my friends who are in sexual relationships I am always wondering would the guy leave them if the stopped having sex? If he would then he doesn't love them. On the other hand, some of my friends are dating some great guys who truly love them and I imagine that if they told them they decided they wanted to wait until marriage their boyfriend would respect that. If you love your boyfriend or girlfriend you should want the best for them and what is better than heaven? If you do not understand why it is important to wait until marriage to engage in God's plan for procreation I would recommend that you study Theology of the Body, anything by Christopher West or Jason Evert is a great place to start!

     I really cannot express how beautiful it is to know that Tim has waited for me and that he loves me so much he would never lead me into a counterfeit union. We are blessed that we have both waited this long but I know that is not the case for everybody. It is never too late. If you are in a relationship that isn't loving don't be afraid to get out of it. Being single is better than being used. And if you are in a loving relationship it is never to late to decide to have a chaste relationship. It really is beautiful and it is worth it. God doesn't want to deprive us he wants to blow us away with his love :)

  

Feeling Safe

       As a woman I know it can be very important yet very difficult for us to feel safe in a relationship. When I was younger I know that I did not feel safe enough to be my true self in my first two relationships. I was not free, I was trapped in having to be the kind of girlfriend I thought I had to be in order to hold onto the relationship. I had to drift away from God and Church because that wasn't important to them. I was using my body to attract because I didn't feel that my soul was what they wanted. I remember being so insecure and being scared to express my feelings in fear that they wouldn't be returned. Without the security of knowing my whole being was cherished I could not flourish. Thankfully neither of the relationships lasted long but even that short period of time was enough to cause deep wounds that would take time, prayer, and Tim showing me what real love looked like for me to be able to trust and be free.

     I  know that I am not alone in this. A lot of women bear emotional (if not physical) wounds from previous relationships. Men carry these wounds as well. Even though I didn't have horrible relationships it still affected my relationship with Tim. Women are designed to trust men and be able to love freely. We tend to give a lot of ourselves to relationships even though they are not deserving of it. This sets us up to be wounded easily unfortunately. Listening to women who have been in unfaithful or abusive relationships is the worst. They have to work through so much before they can even be in a place where they can consider trusting men again and it breaks my heart.
 
    In order to prevent further damage to our hearts I think it is really important that we guard our hearts and not ;et everyone in unless they are trust worthy and men prove themselves to be interested in our whole being not just our physical attributes. In the beginning of my relationship with Tim it took me a long time to trust him physically. Tim never disrespected me physically or tried to make any sexual advances on me but because I had experienced that in the past I was on high alert and it literally took me about six months to realize he was never going to do that. This was really hard on me because I wanted to trust him completely but he had to earn my trust and he was happy to help me through the healing process. Even though he wasn't responsible for having caused the wounds he was happy to be able to help me through it because he loved me and wanted me too be able to trust him completely which I can say that I finally do now.
 
    Emotional freedom is another aspect of trusting and being free in a relationship. I am a very emotional and sensitive woman. This is how God created me and because of this I have a great ability to be empathetic which helps me to be a better counselor and friend. However, it can be quite the burden on Tim. I am working on trying to give stuff up to God and allow him to help me through it but usually I still need to share it with Tim and he has become awesome at dealing with it. Before I used to stifle my emotions which really wasn't healthy and I definitely wasn't free. Now I feel so safe I can share the most ridiculous emotions I have with Tim, sometimes he still needs to coax it out of me though haha. Sometimes I still sit in wonder of how amazing it is to share all of my feelings with him and know that he will treat them delicately. I can express my love to him in different ways and not worry of how it will be receiving. Everyone deserves this. If you do not find this in an earthly relationship it is certainly available with God :)

    I just have to share this of an example of what I mean. Sorry if it seems like I am bragging but I hope that all women will experience something like this. Earlier this week I was hormonal and having a rough day so Tim sent me this text at work. "You're the love of my life, the one who I will hold when she is sad, carry when she doesn't have enough strength, make laugh when she can't smile, tell her we will make it through hard times, be Jesus for right here on earth as best as I can be, forever and always until I die" I am so blessed to have him and what is even better is that he lives that it isn't just words. Sometimes I feel like I don't do the same for him but I am working on it. If our relationships are centered on Christ's ultimate example of sacrificial love on the Cross we will all have safe, loving, and trusting relationships!

What is butylated hydroxyanisole and why is it in my food?

This morning at Mass our Priest talked about how when we are young we love eating fried food and sweets. As we get older we start to notice the effects of those foods and how they actually may be killing us. He stated that food is meant to give us life. Of course he later related it to spiritual food but the sentiment remains that food is meant to give us life and nourish us. Our ancestors got their food from the ground, a butcher, a milkman, and a baker. There were no grocery stores like we see today. Food was made in homes and restaurants not in a chemistry lab. So where does this leave us today? As manufacturers have tried to make our lives easier with "convenience food" they have actually created a laundry list of food additives that even Dietitian's can keep straight! Even though I have a degree in nutrition I still get confused by recommendations that seem to contradict each other. Another topic of interest is the notion of "organic" foods. There is a lot to cover but I will focus on my basic understanding and hopefully offer some clarity amidst all of the confusion out there.

When I was in college I didn't buy into the whole organic thing that much. However,at that time I was more focused on the nutritional quality of the produce which usually doesn't vary between organic and non-organic. Now I am realizing that with all of the pesticide use it may be worthwhile to invest in some organic produce. As pesticides are designed to kill insects, it is logical to be concerned about what they would do to the human body. Unfortunately it isn't possible to simply wash off the pesticides. One of my classmates in college did a research presentation on this topic and her takeaway was that if you are going to be consuming the outside of the produce it would be better to buy organic. I found the Environmental Watch Group's dirty dozen (now 14) which have the highest amount of pesticides in the flesh. They also publish a list of the clean 15 which have the lowest amounts of pesticides and can be safe to buy non-organic. As I am still on a tight budget I will probably not buy everything on the dirty dozen list organic but I will certainly pay more attention to it, especially for lettuce eek. Another organic food issue I would like to talk about is that "organic" has become a marketing tool that people automatically associate with being healthy. Chocolate chip cookies that are labeled organic aren't necessarily healthier than non-organic chocolate chip cookies so be careful not to fall into the health halo trap. This isn't something to stress out over but it is certainly worth considering buying some organic produce or growing your own.

Food additives are another thing worth educating yourself about. I assume that most people have occasionally looked at an ingredients list and not recognized at least one item on there. Looking at the 100% whole wheat  bread i just bought I find; sodium stearoyl lactylate, ethoxylate mono-and diglycerides (dough conditioners) azodicarbonamide. Those sound like a fun time that is for sure. I usually pay more attention to labels and don't buy bread with more than a few simple ingredients but a buy one get one free coupon lured me in. As a general rule I think it helpful and healthful to buy less processed foods and get familiar with labels and try to select products with fewer additives and cook more whole foods. I would like to address two additives and ingredients that are important to look out for. I will cover more in the future if they are of interest to anyone.

Artificial sweeteners - Although the scientific evidence varies and most are safe in small quantities I think it is important to limit them. For one, they are not natural and they trick our body. The sweetness gets our body ready for an insulin response but then there is no actual glucose. Another problem is that since our body can not respond appropriately it also affects satiety and fullness cues. There is research to support that when people consume diet or sugar free products they tend to actually eat more calories. This is a combination of biological and psychological factors but nonetheless I think sparing some calories to have real sugar is a better bet in the long run. Natural is usually a good bet. That being said I must admit I really enjoy an occasional diet Pepsi, I actually prefer the flavor to regular Pepsi.

Trans Fats- Trans fats may be the most important thing to look out for. They rarely occur in nature but are created in manufacturing when unsaturated oils are hydrogenated to create a more stable product and desirable texture. They increase inflammation, plaque formations in arteries, increase our "bad" Ldl cholesterol and even decrease the "good" Hdl cholesterol. If a serving size of food has <.5 gram of trans fat it will claim it has 0 grams of trans fat. The small amount of trans fats are of concern as it is advised we limit our intake to less than 2 grams a day. An easy way to check for trans fats is to read the ingredients list for any oil that has been "partially hydrogenated".

Lastly, I can't address concerns with chemicals in our food and bodies without addressing the horror of what some women are doing to their bodies to prevent conceiving a child. I have always been concerned by the pill as I have heard friends who had really adverse reactions to it. The most common pills are either estrogen or progesterone which are hormones women naturally have. The pills are additional doses that aim to prevent ovulation and then if a woman does ovulate it will attempt to prevent the sperm from reaching the egg and if even that fails it has thinned the lining of the uterus so that the fertilized embryo( a human being) can't implant and will die. Ingesting hormones has always scared me, but with good reason some of the health concerns with oral contraceptives are headaches or migraines  low blood pressure, depression  vaginal infection, acne, weight gain, nausea dizziness, breast pain or tenderness,gain or loss of body or facial hair. These are just some of the side affects from webmd some are common and others are less common. Point is that if you don't take it you obviously won't have any of those side-effects yay! There is also an increased risk of uterine and breast cancer.

IUD's are another form of contraceptives that are concerning too me. I personally don't want any pieces of plastic or copper inserted into my vagina. These work by either damaging or killing the sperm. Copper IUD's may increase menstrual bleeding and cramps. Hormonal IUD's may cause ovarian cysts to grow, and also breast tenderness, mood swings, headaches and acne. Women are instructed to call their Doctor if they have ;severe pain in belly or pelvis  severe vaginal bleeding, passing clots of blood and soaking through usual pads or tampons in less than two hours, have fever and chills, or they think they may be pregnant.

My concern is with why women are doing this to their body. I personally believe that God chose to allow us to be co-creators with him sex so that we can bring his children into this world. This being said even condoms block God out of the picture. Although I personally will never use condoms it greatly saddens me to hear of women who have to take birth control or IUD's because their partner does not like wearing condoms. It also upsets me when it is a woman's "fault" for getting pregnant. She definitely did not conceive by immaculate conception so I don't see how it is her "fault".

All of that being said does not mean that women must be baby factories. It is important to be open to the gift of life but we also have the wonderful gift of natural family planning that can be used within good reason. A woman is only fertile during ovulation and about 48 hours after that. There are biological markers that allow us to track our own fertility with 99% accuracy. When a woman knows she is fertile and her and her partner abstain from sex during that period of time it is impossible to conceive a child. There are no harmful side-effects and married couples claim that it strengthens their marriage but increasing mutual respect and love as well and the man gets to know his wife's body more intimately. For those reading who are not married and are in a sexual relationship of course I would recommend that you consider the value of chastity in your relationship but if you are going to have sex would your partner be willing to do natural family planning? For those who are interested I would recommend looking into the Creighton model of NFP.

.This has been a really long post but I hope it gave you some "food for thought".

Raising Saints?

Learning about saints and their lives can be very inspiring and spiritually enriching. However, how much time do we spend thinking about their parents? Some saints come from troubled backgrounds and have a profound conversion experience later in life, but I am willing to bet that the majority of saints come from holy families. Recently I was reading more about my favorite saint, St. Therese of Lisieux, and I learned that her parents were beatified in 2008. I knew that she grew up in a very devout Catholic loving family, but I didn't spend much time reflecting on the influence they had on her spirituality. Her parents , Zelie and Louis both owned small businesses. They managed to balance family life, work, and most importantly their involvement in the Church and guiding their family towards heaven. The Martin's had nine children but sadly four died. Their five daughters that lived all ended up becoming nuns. If this isn't enough of a testament to their holy home, one of there daughters became one of the four female Doctors of the Church.

Blessed Louis and Zelie Martin were not beatified because their daughter is a Doctor of the Church but because they lived their vocation of Matrimony to the fullest. It is beautiful that they were beatified together and they will hopefully be canonized together as well. Shortly after reading about their beatification I attended  a seminar where Bishop Cordileone of San Francisco's mother was in attendance. Someone asked her "How do you raise a Bishop?". Since she was just in the audience we didn't hear her response but it certainly got me thinking about the answer. I truly pray that Tim and I will raise our children in such a faithful and loving home that they will become saints. As Patrick Coffin on Catholic Answers says "be a saint, what else is there?" And it is so true. Raising a family is a big responsibility. But it's also a profound blessing, especially when the home is the primary place of teaching the faith to children. I am so blessed to have Tim who I know will be a wonderful example and leader for our children. I know that I will be praying to Mary and Joseph as well as Zelie and Louis Martin to help guide Tim and I in our parenting.

I love how the Catholic Church esteems marriage and family life to be a sanctifying vocation. A priest once told our young adult bible study that often people look to him as being holier than a married man when that isn't true. A married man who lives his vocation is just as holy as a priest who is living his. How amazing is that? I know I often tend to place Priests higher than married men in my mind, but I will certainly stop doing that. A priest sacrifices everything for the church as a married man sacrifices everything for his family. All of this is so beautiful.

For people who are interested in learning more about Blessed Zelie and Louis Martin I will attach a link.
http://www.catholic.org/international/international_story.php?id=30127

"Be Satisfied with Me"

I wanted to share this beautiful prayer. When it was read at our ladies breakfast it truly spoke to my heart. I almost started crying because it essentially captured the journey I have been on. It took me a while to realize that I needed to be fulfilled in the love of God and allow him to fix my heart before I could be ready to meet my future husband.

This prayer contains so much wisdom. God had some work to do on my heart before he could bring Tim into my life in the way he had always planned. Tim and I frequently reflect on our journey and how God's timing was so perfect :) Learning to trust God was not easy but it is silly to think that he wouldn't be capable of providing us with an amazing future. 

It is so true that he has surprised me with a love far more wonderful that I could have dreamed of .I want to encourage single readers (or those settling for less than what God has planned for you) to trust in his plan because he will deliver! Please read this prayer and allow it to reign true in your heart. Pray it when you begin to lose faith! 

Be Satisfied with Me

by St. Anthony of Padua

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious, don't worry
Don't look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don't look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied

Am I excited to get Married?

After thinking about it for months I have finally chosen to enter the blog world. God has been teaching me so much and I know so many people out there need hope and I pray that I will be able to provide some. Love is real and love is true. Almost my whole life I dreamed of what the man I would marry would be like. I often got discouraged thinking he wasn't out there and if I truly deserved an amazing man. I learned to trust in him and he has delivered beyond anything I could dream of. I am sorry if it seems like I am bragging but I just want everyone to know you do not have to settle! God will richly bless you as he has richly blessed me if you can only surrender your trust to him(definitely easier said that done). I basically reached a point where I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't start sharing this so here is my blog. If you don't like it that is okay don't read it. If you like it feel free to share it I won't mind :)

This morning I had the wonderful opportunity of attending a ladies breakfast at St. Brigid's. Every time that I am able to attend one of these breakfasts, God blesses me with so much wisdom and love from the other women who attend. We had such an amazing talk and discussion related to suffering and the place it has in our lives. Jesus came down to suffer on the cross so that he could unite himself to our suffering. We just need to open ourselves and invite him to suffer  with us and draw us out of it with his love. It was a beautiful talk but that is not the focus of this post.

After the breakfast, I was talking with some of the ladies about my recent engagement and upcoming wedding next January. Someone asked if I was really excited and of course I said that I was. However, inside I didn't feel excited the way others would expect me to be. The other girls talked about wanted to get married soon after their engagement  I couldn't share in that sentiment and on my drive home I was wondering about why I am not as anxious about getting married as perhaps I should be. I realized that God has taught me so much through waiting. Through waiting for Tim he truly prepared my heart for him. I learned through heartbreak that the only perfect man was Jesus. As Jesus is the only perfect man I should focus my love and attention on him and not waste it on other men who are not deserving. However, God blessed me with a man who does deserve some of that love. We waited two years to get engaged. That period of dating prepared us and taught us so much. Now we have a year of waiting and preparation for marriage  I am excited to spend more time drawing closer to Jesus, Mary, and saints who have witnessed amazing love. I know that this time will enrich both of us and allow our marriage to be even more fruitful. So rather than being excited an anxious I find myself being peaceful, in awe, and so thankful for everything God has given me.

Another area where waiting is a big theme is the decision to save our bodies as the most precious gift we can give to each other on our wedding night. There are a lot of books and talks about how to have a pure relationship and resist temptation. I won't say that Tim and I never had any difficulties in this area in the beginning of the relationship but as we grew in love things changed. Through our understanding of Theology of the Body we know there is a zero possibility that we would cheapen our wedding night.Thankfully we both understand how wonderful and beautiful sex within marriage is and we are completely content to wait until our wedding night and even longer since we will be practicing Natural Family Planning. It isn't hard to wait because we know our marriage is worth it and God is always waiting to bless us if we follow him.

I am not sure how often I will blog but I will try to keep my thoughts focused around a certain topic. As I am new to blogging feel free to give me feedback. Also, sorry for run-on sentences!

Have a Blessed Day!

Rachel