Looking for Love

       Tim will be happy to learn that some of his wisdom that inspired this post. We have some friends who are having a really hard time finding a good relationship. Tim essentially said that love isn't really something that we can go out seeking. In a way it has to come to us. If we are actively seeking love it is inevitable that we will become desperate and overlook red flags. True love flows freely between two people and it is not something that we can force out of someone. We can't make someone love us. The only caveat that I would like to add to Tim's wisdom is that we actually can seek love, from God. Gods love is always freely flowing towards us we just need to open ourselves and invite his love in. We don't have to make God love us he always loves us thank goodness.

      When I was younger I always had a feeling that the man for me would come in my life when I didn't expect it. So I tried to pretend I wasn't actively seeking out love even though in reality I wasted way too much time trying to get someone to love me. And Tim kind of did sneak into my life when I had my heart set on someone else. God has a really good way of working things out even if we are resistant to his plan at first. Eventually most of us reach a point where we realize that our way of searching for love just isn't working and we have to surrender our desires to him. An amazing thing happens when we do this. We realize love isn't as far from our grasp as we though it was. To quote a movie I used to love " Love actually is all around". How true is that. We spend so much time pursuing romantic love when really love is all around us. Some people didn't come from loving families but hopefully they have found a loving group of friends. If you don't have a lot of love in your life cling to Jesus and his mother Mary and they will show you a love that  you didn't think was even possible. We need to focus on our blessings and not what we don't have (this is something I certainly need to do more of).

    So where are you looking for love? If you are going out to parties and bars don't be surprised when the guy you meet there turns out to not be the greatest guy. If you want to save yourself a lot of heartache turn to God and allow him to feel your heart with love. I know this is a reoccurring theme but I don't think it can be said enough, trust in God's timing his timing is always perfect. When we mess with God's timing and think our plan is better we end up hurting ourselves. God knows the desires of our heart better than we do and he plans to fulfill them in amazing ways here on earth and then beyond our greatest dreams once we are in heaven with him!

How can you tell if someone truly loves you?

         Love is something that people can define in many different ways. For some people it is the warm fuzzy feelings that happen in the beginning of a relationship. For others love is synonymous with sex, we say "making love" which everyone understands as having sex. Which is on to something, but for love to exist it has to be self-sacrificial. I am pretty sure Cosmopolitan and Seventeen often have articles which are supposed to help women discern how their boyfriend actually feels about them. Instead of over-analyzing his texts and whether or not he wants to cuddle after sex, I think there are more important questions to ask. 

       A good place to start is by looking at your relationship. Is your relationship defined and is it exclusive? A lot of people have gray area when it comes to knowing whether or not they are in a relationship and it is really sad. It is a mans job to pursue a woman and it is his job to make his intentions clear. I would hope the man is interested in pursuing marriage with the woman and that is why he wants to date her but I know that is not always the case. If you are in a pseudo relationship with someone and you are scared to ask them if they are your boyfriend/girlfriend chances are you should not be dating that person. 

     Another question to consider is where is the relationship headed? If you cannot see yourself marrying the person it is best to stop wasting your time. If the person you are dating is not marriage material they will not change. Although this is counter-cultural, I believe that dating should be focused on the prospects of marriage with that person. I would also recommend that you choose someone who is focused on Jesus. In the past when I tried to date in my own terms it did not work out well for me. Before I was able to start dating Tim God had to teach me that every person on this earth would disappoint me and Jesus was the only man who would never disappoint me. I realized how silly it was for me to be investing so much of myself in pursuing guys when who I should have been pursuing was Jesus. My relationship with Jesus allows me to depend on him so that Tim isn't solely responsible for my happiness and helping me through my struggles. A relationship without Jesus can be very difficult as the focus is 100% on the other person. When Tim and I have some difficult times we have a tendency to be very inward and stubborn , luckily as soon as we open ourselves up to the Holy Spirit God allows us to be more selfless. It is a work in progress but he is definitely helping us immensely!

     Lastly, I want to pose a hard question. Is your significant leading you to heaven or are they leading you to sin. Some of my friends have been in relationships that I could tell were leading them away from God and it is really hard to watch. For my friends who are in sexual relationships I am always wondering would the guy leave them if the stopped having sex? If he would then he doesn't love them. On the other hand, some of my friends are dating some great guys who truly love them and I imagine that if they told them they decided they wanted to wait until marriage their boyfriend would respect that. If you love your boyfriend or girlfriend you should want the best for them and what is better than heaven? If you do not understand why it is important to wait until marriage to engage in God's plan for procreation I would recommend that you study Theology of the Body, anything by Christopher West or Jason Evert is a great place to start!

     I really cannot express how beautiful it is to know that Tim has waited for me and that he loves me so much he would never lead me into a counterfeit union. We are blessed that we have both waited this long but I know that is not the case for everybody. It is never too late. If you are in a relationship that isn't loving don't be afraid to get out of it. Being single is better than being used. And if you are in a loving relationship it is never to late to decide to have a chaste relationship. It really is beautiful and it is worth it. God doesn't want to deprive us he wants to blow us away with his love :)