Running Straight into the Arms of Love Itself

        Lately I have not had much time for blogging. It is less than three months away from my wedding and I am working full time, taking a class on Infant and Toddler Development, leading a book club and starting this week I will be teaching 5th grade Catechism classes. I am really blessed by all of these activities but it does not leave much time or energy for blogging. However, people have been telling me that they really enjoy reading my blogs so I will try to post at least a few times a month. 

       Now I will get to the topic at hand. Last weekend Tim and I helped to facilitate a young adult retreat for 140 young adults from all over San Diego. It was such a wonderful weekend up in Julian. I always love having the opportunity to watch people encounter Jesus in new ways and also see how God plans to use the weekend to nurture me and my faith as well. One of my favorite part of retreats is the opportunity to experience the combination of praise and worship, Adoration, and Confession. It is an experience beyond what words can describe. Sitting and kneeling in Adoration before Jesus is the best way to prepare my heart to meet him in the Sacrament of Confession. Having beautiful music in the background alternating with periods of silence really helps to center and to focus me. 

       After a while in Adoration I decided to join the line for Confession. We had six priests for 140 people so there was a continuous line for two hours and it was a really beautiful thing to witness. While I was waiting in line I was kneeling and staring at the Monstrance on the altar. Next to the altar was a statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus with his arms of mercy and love outstretched towards me. I close my eyes and imagined myself being the prodigal daughter running into the arms of Jesus and having him embrace me with a huge smile and warm hug. It was such a beautiful moment and it was showing me exactly what was about to happen when I confessed my sins to the Priest. Even though I was ashamed of things I had done and that I hadn't always pleased God with my actions, I knew that he would receive me with love and forgiveness. After this image I continued to pray and prepare my heart for Confession but instead of the anxiety I usually felt I had joy. I had to go outside to meet the Priest for Confession and it was getting dark but I could still see his face while I confessed my sins (sometimes through tears- I usually end up crying) and he was smiling at me. I really laid my sins out there and he received them with such love and mercy. Instead of giving me a standard penance he actually responded to my difficulties and gave me a penance that actually helped me to address the underlying cause of my major sins. I imagine Jesus was smiling down upon us thinking that this is what the Sacrament should look like. After I received absolution I went back inside and kneeled before the Monstrance on the Altar. I felt so light and free it was amazing. I have never quite felt that way after Confession! My soul felt clean, or as Father Calloway likes to explain it, I had my spiritual diaper changed! 

Jesus had wrapped me up in his love just as he had shown me in the image of running into his arms of love. I have been struggling with getting to regular Confession at least once if not twice a month but now I know I definitely don't want to stay away from his merciful arms of love!

      There are many aspects of the Catholic Faith that I feel incredibly blessed by but I felt really called to share this experience of mine. Having the opportunity to experience Adoration and Confession at the same time is beyond moving I can't encourage people to seek it out enough. Also, if you are planning a retreat I strongly encourage you to include this component it will change lives :)

Living the Eucharistic Pattern: Given

       Broken and given are very closely related to each other as I alluded to in the previous post. Not only must we be broken in order to be given (shared) but the way we are broken actually shapes how we are given to others. The unique way we are broken is directly linked to how we can be given. The majority of ministries that exist come out of someones suffering and desire to help those who are suffering in similar ways. If people are able to overcome their brokenness through God's grace they are usually inspired to help those struggling in the same way that they were. If someone was abused as a child they can relate to children in abusive homes in ways that someone on the outside never could. This is so beautiful and inspiring to me. When I was involved with International Justice Mission, I was so inspired by how they help the victims of human trafficking become advocates and counselors to help other victims. Being able to make something beautiful out of suffering is something that we learned from Jesus on the cross.

    Everyone has had difficulties in life and if we hold onto our brokenness and turn inward in our suffering who knows how many people won't get the help they need because we aren't allowing ourselves to be given. Katrina pointed out that we are called to give of ourselves not only in life but also in death. We can see death as putting out a lamp because they dawn has come. Death is not something negative but something positive especially when we have an eternal perspective. A few weeks ago, the founder of Made in His Image came to San Diego to talk about her life journey. Maura Byrne grew up being broken by years of sexual abuse by a family member and later developed an eating disorder as a method of trying to cope with her pain. After college, Maura knew that she needed to get help and sought treatment from a Catholic Psychiatric center. She had a long process of healing but what helped her most was knowing that she was made in God's image and that she had dignity and deserved love just because of that fact, there was nothing she could do to gain or lose his love. Eventually Maura realized that God was calling her to reach out to others who had been the victims of sexual abuse or were struggling with eating disorders and she founded Made in His Image in 2011. The unique ways in which she was broken lead her to precisely how God wants her to be given to others. In only two years many women's lives have been completely changed by Maura inviting her God into her brokenness and allowing herself to be given in a unique way. I recommend that you look into her ministry because it is truly beautiful and it will be moving to San Diego soon which is very exciting!

       The process of allowing ourselves to die (through being broken) in order to be given is a continual process. We are called to practice dying and giving every single day. This is really a challenge but I find help in asking for Mary to assist me. Mary died completely to herself in offering her entire life to God when she gave her yes to conceiving Jesus by the Holy Spirit. Prayer is essential in this process because we truly need God's help in order to die and give of ourselves on a daily basis. Katrina invited us to take a huge step in actually praying for God to break us more so that we can be given more. She warned us to not pray this lightly because if we pray for it we will be broken more. This is something I am still not quite ready to do but I really pray that I will allow God to lead me to that place in my spirituality. Love is so beautiful in that in its purest form it inspires us to die to ourselves and give completely of ourselves. Ironically in death love actually becomes life giving. God desires to give us eternal life after we die isn't that beyond amazing and wonderful? Let's not be afraid of brokenness and dying to ourselves but strive to embrace it. This is certainly easier to do in a community of others striving for the same thing so please continue to pray for each other. I would really appreciate any comment's on this series of posts. I am still getting the hang of blogging so I would like to know if my posts are helpful or not! I can take constructive criticism it can help break me a tiny bit :)

And please check out this wonderful organization!
http://madeinhisimage.org/

Living the Eucharistic Pattern: Broken

       This part of living the Eucharistic pattern resonated the most with me and helped me the most. God spent a whole week making sure I really understood this message. It was exactly what I needed to hear to help me with my struggles and I hope it is helpful to you as well. After we are chosen and blessed we must be BROKEN just as the Priest breaks the Eucharist and Jesus broke the bread which would become his flesh that he offered up for us. All of us have been broken to some degree by different life circumstances. Henri Nouwen points out that the unique ways in which we are broken is actually an expression of individuality. How have you been broken?Often we are ashamed of how we are broken and we want to hide it. We pretend that we have everything together and we want to show everyone our best face rather than things that make us vulnerable. When someone asks how you are doing how often are we actually honest and tell them we are something other that "good". What I am learning is that I actually need to embrace my brokenness. Our brokenness is actually insight to where God is calling us to serve him and how he wants to be glorified within us.

      When we are broken it is actually an invitation to a deeper communion with God and it is up to us to either choose to accept or reject it. When I read "Discovering the Feminine Genius" by Katrina Zeno I learned that heartbreak can be God making room for himself in our hearts. That insight was transforming for me. In our weakness God makes us strong. Without our weakness and brokenness we would have no need for God. It is not something to be ashamed of , we are human. Even though I would not consider myself to be a perfectionist I tend to have a really hard time dealing with my shortcomings in my relationship with Tim. In a way this is almost a heresy because I am not God and I was not born without original sin. When we accept our shortcomings and brokenness it is an opportunity for God to increase the blessings in our lives. Please never start to think that you broken beyond God's power to help you because that is impossible. All we need to do is ask for his help and allow him to work within us. God loves to take broken people and restore them to something more beautiful than they were before. History is full of Saints who were terribly broken before they offered their lives to Jesus. If you are struggling with your brokenness our wonderful Mother in heaven, Mary, is more than happy to wrap you up in a loving hug. Never be afraid to ask for her help learning how to trust in her son's redemptive powers :) In order to be shared with others we must be broken first! Knowing that it is part of God's beautiful plan of redemption for us is certainly helpful in accepting the difficult things that happen in our lives. This was incredibly freeing for me and I hope it has been helpful to you as well.