As sex has lost its sacredness and meaning in our culture it follows that a kiss would be even less meaningful. It is pretty common to hear people talking about their weekends saying "Oh we just made out, nothing happened" When did kissing and making out become nothing? I understand that in comparison to sex that does become lesser but it definitely is still significant. I know that not everyone holds this view but I would like to challenge peoples attitudes towards kissing. All of us know that kissing does not create babies so what is the harm in kissing people? Isn't it just a kiss?
Think about what happens when two people kiss. When their lips connect in a sense their bodies become one (but not as fully as they do in the marital act). Even without using tongue it is undeniable that kissing brings two people together in a special way. When two people kiss a lesser amount of the bonding hormones released during sex are released. It is a beautiful and intimate way to connect with someone and I think this merits us treating them as something more than just a way of testing our physical chemistry with someone new.
When I was in high school I held to that idea that I would not kiss a guy unless he was my boyfriend. This certainly helped prevent me from getting involved with guys who were not interested in fully getting to know me as a person. Unfortunately I strayed from this notion a few times after my first relationship and I honestly can't believe I kissed guys that I barely knew. I thought I was being good because I would only kiss them but nothing more. I fell for the cultural lie that a kiss is just a kiss and nothing more. To my dismay my heart knew that wasn't the case. I tried my best to make those guys into someone I could be in a relationship with (by settling of course) but thankfully those guys were not actually looking for a relationship.
Luckily there is a growing movement of people who want to reclaim their sexuality and protect its sacred nature. I know hundreds of young adults who are striving to live chaste lifestyles. However, I have learned that sometimes we are so focused on the sacredness of saving sex for marriage that it is possible to lose sight of the sacredness of a kiss. If we are going to save our selves for marriage we should probably be stingy with our kisses. The idea of a courtship (dating with the likelihood of the relationship resulting in marriage is a beautiful idea) but I think people need to be cautious in how they proceed. If a couple kisses too early in getting to know each other before the commitment is certain it can certainly complicate things. Especially in chaste dating a kiss is very significant. A kiss should not come before commitment. If there is commitment is not laid out it can cause a lot of confusion for the girl or guy who wonders what exactly the kiss meant, does it mean they are a couple or not? Once couples begin kissing it is very easy to become enamored with the person and not get to know them as a whole person, flaws and all. That being said I must admit that Tim and I shared our first kiss after our first date and right after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know that seems really fast. However, we knew each other as good friends for 1.5 years before we started dating and spent a month discerning entering into the relationship and the idea of marriage was already on the table.
Recently Tim and I had a sobering realization. Tim had started to feel that sometimes I was kissing him out of habit and it wasn't an expression of love. This was absolutely crushing too me. I love him and I couldn't believe I had made him feel like that. Occasionally, kissing has caused some other problems in our relationship (usually me feeling that maybe we were kissing too much). Tim proposed that we spend a week where we didn't kiss. In a sense it will help prepare us to be in the mindset for NFP and allow us to strengthen other aspects of our relationship. We did that for the first time last month and it really helped. We decided to make it a monthly thing and will start our week without kissing tomorrow! I also want to add that Tim and I decided early in our relationship to save french kissing for marriage as well. I think this has really helped us keep our relationship chaste and prevent temptation. I am sharing all of this in the hopes that it will make you think about how you approach the idea of kissing. I know that people will disagree with me and that is okay :)
