Changes to "The Plan"

            During the past two months Tim and I have had a few changes that we have had to deal with. Thankfully none of them have to do with my pregnancy and everything is okay with Gianna. We are still blessed by so much and we know that God will look out for us just the future is a little more uncertain now. We have learned in the past that things rarely go according to your plan, but of course I still try to plan out our life at least a few years in advance. I was already stressing myself out over the fact that Tim would be starting third semester around my due date and also trying to work full time. I knew it was going to be a really challenging time for both of us but he was going to finish nursing school in December of 2015 and then we would be a lot more financially stable once he got a nursing job. Of course I was also worrying about the possibility that it would be hard for him to find a nursing job and we would have to move. Notice that I tend to worry a bit too much about the future, especially when it is things that I can’t control? Well all of that worrying was wasted and I should have been noticing how stressed out by school Tim was becoming. Supporting me in pregnancy, working full time and being in nursing school was very challenging. Tim was doing really well on his exams but unfortunately nursing school still wasn’t meant to be. Through an unfortunate series of events, not fully in his control, his instructors decided that he lacked the confidence to become a nurse and just like that he was kicked out of nursing school.

            What are we going to do now?  This wasn’t part of the plan. It was really hard to deal with in the moment especially as I was approaching my third trimester of pregnancy. I didn’t blame Tim because I knew he had been working really hard and I was hurting with him. It was really hard to process that all of the sudden he was no longer in nursing school and we needed a new plan. Thankfully it removed a lot of stress from him and he still had a full time job, which we were very grateful for. As part of coping, I started to look into other medical careers that didn’t take a lot of schooling that would be a good fit for Tim. I found that community colleges in San Diego have a lot of healthcare programs which was great. Even though it was hard to deal with we trusted that God was going to lead Tim to another career which may be better suited for him. As of now Tim will be applying for programs to become either a Respiratory Therapist, Physical Therapy Assistant or Occupational Therapy Assistant. Tim interacts with all of these professions in the hospital and he is excited about the prospects. However, his acceptance into these programs is very much out of our control. Since they are funded in part by the state they have to accept people based on a raffle or wait list (basically they only accept a small number of people each year in order of when you applied). I am hopeful that he will be accepted into a program in the Fall but it is likely we will have to wait another year. This is going to be hard but we are going to trust in God and his timing.

            We have learned in the past that when things don’t go according to plan they usually end up working out better. One blessing is that Tim is more available to help with preparations for our baby and helping support me through the last trimester. He will be able to enjoy the birth of our daughter and the first few months of her life without being stressed about school. The only downside is that it definitely puts us into financial uncertainty for the next few years as he will go back to school and not be able to work full time. Our plan had been for me to take three months of maternity leave after Gianna is born and then return to work only two days a week when Tim could stay home with her. I wasn’t completely looking forward to that but I knew that it was necessary for our family at this point in time. I had been upfront with my work about this a few months ago and luckily they had been okay with it. Again, I began to stress unnecessarily about how I would be able to leave Gianna to return to work part time. About two weeks ago my boss called to let me know that the other managers had looked at the budget and essentially decided that I would need to come back full time if I wanted to keep my job. I felt like my plan was falling apart. Tim and I had just adjusted our plan to account for him no longer being on track to become a nurse and now I was learning I would essentially not have a job in April.

            When I called Tim to tell him the news, he did not freak out . After I assured him that I would still get paid maternity leave he assured me that we would be able to figure it out by then. We don’t really have a plan at this point but I have a few ideas of how I can supplement our income without having to return to work full time. I am hoping that God will also help us figure this out. I am confident that I will be able to find someone who needs help with childcare or I will be able to find a part time job that will have flexible hours so I can work when Tim is home with Gianna. It is definitely a stressor that I wasn't expecting to have so close to delivery but thankfully we have time to figure it out and my job will still be there if we can’t figure out an alternative and I have to return to work full time. I really do enjoy my job and have formed relationships with the mothers I counsel, especially mothers going through pregnancy at the same time as me. I absolutely love providing breastfeeding education and encouraging mothers that they can do it. I think I will go through some grieving about leaving my job completely, but I know my little Gianna will be worth it. Ideally I would want to be a full time stay at home mom but that isn't possible for us at this point in time and I hope that I can figure out a way to stay home with her as much as possible.

            The biggest challenge for me was letting go of the idea of attaining financial security where I wouldn't have to contribute to our income. I was being very selfish and not recognizing all of the blessings and gifts we have. We are so lucky to have a home and a way to support ourselves. I had to remind myself that struggling and suffering isn't a bad thing, it will actually make us stronger. I know so many women bringing children into this world in much worse situations and I know that Tim and I will be fine. As long as we work together and support each other we will get through any challenges that life brings us. I am so thankful to have him by my side because I know that he will be strong when I am weak. At the end of the day we don’t need much more than each other and our faith. Marriage is a wonderful, grace filled Sacrament and I am so thankful for it. Now that we have worked through this minor setback we are focused on meeting our baby girl in about six short weeks and we are beyond thankful that God has blessed us with her!